I was shocked!

i took this photo when I got into my car, to go home from work this afternoon

(did anyone notice I left early?? teeheeheehee!! )
So, as you can see, up there it says "38 degrees Celsius". It's May 26th, and that (according to http://www.worldwidemetric.com/metcal.htm) is 100.4 degrees Fahrenheit, in case you were wondering!

What will it be in August 15th?!? 50 degrees (122 degrees)??

(did anyone also notice that I took the photo while the car was moving? teeheeheehee )

Writing Challenge #16

Part 1: Find or create a picture or photo related to your topic and put it in the Photos Section of your blog.


Part 2: You must write 4 paragraphs! Short, long, or dialog. You decide!


Part 3: You must select from one of these 4 phrases:


1. Not such a bad place to be in 20 years.

2. How could this be happening now?

3. He twirled the knife over and over in his fingers.

4. Undecided on the existence of a God, any God, I walked into the ceremonial hall...

The hours in a hospital waiting room seemed longer than what I had been used to. Minutes seemed like hours, hours seemed like days and the days… Days seemed like a life- time of waiting. A life-time of not knowing, of wondering, of watching myself crumble to pieces and emerging back to life, only to fall apart again. I found myself begging for an answer, and, in shame, even begging for any kind of answer. This whirlpool of uncertainty and pain was dragging me into the kind of hell no-one could drag me out of.

When the doctor came out of the elevator, I spotted him from a distance and through maybe 10 other doctors. I knew what he was going to say and I could feel the hollowness in my chest even while he was walking outside to find my dad. I stayed inside but still heard my mother’s cry from the hospital back yard. I saw my dad walk in trembling and get into the elevator with the doctor. He looked at me straight in the eye but said or signaled nothing. He didn’t need to, because I knew.

When they brought him at the house, it all seemed surreal. I was squeezing my brain to understand the “how’s” and the “why’s” but it all seemed surreal. It was him, but it wasn’t. It couldn’t be. I couldn’t bring myself to touch him. I stayed up all night, sitting beside him, knowing that it was the last time I would see him. I caressed him with my eyes all night long, singing him farewell songs under my breath. I couldn’t cry. My need to see him off before falling apart was far too great.

Why would a child be brought to Earth when he wasn’t meant to live on it? What was the use for all this pain? What loving Father would let their children’s lives be torn to pieces with a single wave of His hand? My heart was shredded, my body was bruised, my faith was leaking from me. I had nothing left. When they moved him for the funeral, I was an empty vessel. Undecided on the existence of a God, any God, I walked into the ceremonial hall for his funeral...

Something old, something new...

This week has been nothing but a revelation to me.

I'd hate to bore anyone with the details of it. If I wanted to sum it all up, though, it would have to go somehow like this:

• Coffee is bad for you. Not only does it give you cellulite (you, not me) but it also hinders any weight loss efforts. I know, cause I quit coffee, and I've already lost 6 pounds. And counting.
• Misery is bad for you. Not only does it cause your face to wrinkle, but it also hinders any weight loss efforts. My friend told me that. It causes the excretion (??) of some chemicals in your body, stopping the weight from being shed. I recently had misery removed from my life. Suddenly, abruptly, but definitely permanently. Misery, gone. Nagging, gone. I'm a new girl, losing weight.
• When your standards are different than mine, then stay away from me. When you measure people by the size of their wallets and not the size of their hearts, then stay away from me. When you measure people by the status of their friends, not the brains in their heads, stay away from me. When you lick where you once spat, then stay away from me. I have no time for opportunists, I have no time for people unfaithful, venal, and ungrateful. Away from such a herd, I am actually free.
• If you must fear someone, fear the one who advertises their love for G*d. These people have no fear of G*d. These people feel like everything is forgiven to them. These people are so self-righteous they will not think twice before hurting anyone. These people feel they have G*d in their pockets. When G*d advertised humility, these people were not listening to Him. They were listening to their mothers telling them they are on top of the world.
• I like this new situation in my life. I was shocked and sad at first. And then it shocked me how relieved I was. You see, for the past year, I had become someone I hardly recognized. Negative energy and miserable waves surrounded me and I hadnt even realized. I was constantly depressed, and given my history, that was a bad thing. I even had breath shortages and heart beat irregularity again, after many many years. Now I recognize it was all anxiety and misery causing it. Because I haven't had it in days.
• I love green tea. I knew it, but forgot. And then I remembered again.

I will watch Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire now. Thank you for listening.

Funny thing

A funny thing happened tonight, and I'd like to share

See, I'm genuinely one of those freaks you meet here and there, saying "magic exists" and actually believe it. And I don't really mean that I'll stick out a finger and say a word and someone will get zits all over their face. I am thinking of real magic, of those tiny little ways nature has of showing you life's beauty, the magic of going on, the wisdom of things moving on, with or without you. The circles of the seasons, the birth, death and rebirth of the moon.

This morning, driving to work, I was in a weird mood. It was a sunny, hot day, not very hot but hot enough for a t-shirt, which I usually like. I wasn't in a bad mood, only a weird mood, if you know what I mean. I turned on the radio (I usually listen to my cd's while driving) and caught "Waltzing Along", one of my favorite James songs, right from the start. I started singing, and I sighed a deep sigh inside, cause the lyrics to this song really touch me. Every time. It's my cure song: "Help comes when you need it most/ I'm cured by laughter".

I laughed me a curing laughter and looked up.
And saw a swallow. It was just sitting there, I swear, bathed in light, pecking under its wings, moving its tail left and right. And it looked so perfect, it made sense.

I went to work in a magical mood. My stupid boss came up to me and said something that pissed me off. I thought to myself "damn, i could use a week without you soooooo badly!!". Five minutes later, she gets a call, some travel agency is paying her to go to Dubai for a week. I'm not making this up, this is for real. She hangs up and rushes off to call someone to tell, and we're all dancing around our desks that she'll be gone. She'll be away for a week, starting June 2nd.

So, now I'm in an even more magical mood. I leave work and go to the super-market. I pick out the best vegetables ever, and while I'm joking with the girl at the cheese counter about some cheese, my cell phone rings. It's my friend, who finally fixed us an appointment to get our tattoos. That will be my Kostas-Tina tattoo, it is really special to me, and I am so happy that the appointment was fixed on such a day. The problem is, my friend says to me, the appointment is on June 3rd, at 2 in the afternoon, when I'll be working. But that's when my boss won't be there. June 3rd. I wished her away, and she'll be gone exactly the day I needed her to be gone!
So my tattoo is on!

I went back home, we cooked a veggie burger meal and I made a salad, and made the tomato like a flower and garnished it with cheese and scallions, and cucumbers for leaves and we laughed and ate and had a good time.

After a while, I went to my parents' house to visit my parents. We talked, we laughed, we gossiped, and then I went into my room to snoop around a bit. Funny I used the word "snoop", cause that was Kostas' graffiti name. And that was exactly what I found. In a box I hadn't opened since we had moved in that house, 11 years ago. A notebook from university, from 1995 - one year before Kostas died. I don't really know what made me go through that notebook today, but I found something I had never seen before. He had sketched me a page, and wrote me a little note, inside my notebook. His favorite bands, a little man and "For Maria, with love, Snoop. Kostas". I couldn't believe my eyes. That was probably about a year before he was gone. I took the notebook and will try to salvage this page, probably in a glass frame or sthg. He had probably thought "This will be worth a fortune when I'm rich and famous", cause we always say that. And now it's worth, well.. so much, because it's actually all I have of him!

When I came home, I opened up the TV, and, sure enough, "Practical Magic" was JUST starting. I really like this movie, not because it's a cinematic wonder. But because I like it. And because I do think that, even though we can't make the spoon stir our coffee on its own, or blow-light a candle, we all lead magical lives. One way or another. We just have to see it.

Today was magic I think. If you don't believe in this hocus pocus horsecrap, then please explain this day to me!
I, for one, believe in magic. With all my heart. And even if you don't, take my advice and, just to be on the safe side, "always spill salt over your left shoulder, keep rosemary in your back garden, plant lavender for luck and fall in love whenever you can".

right now

i'm watching Lord Of The Rings: The Return Of The King

Ever since i first read the books, back in 1988, I was Arwen in my head. Then Liv Tyler played the part and I couldn't be further away! But I'm still Arwen in my heart!

I love LOTR. The books, the movies, the stickers, the buzz, everything

May '08

It is May 6th, I am home sick and thoughts are going through my head.
Thoughts like this:

I'm working at a magazine that accompanies the Sunday issue of a newspaper. In order to run a good weekly magazine, you have to have at least 7-8 people working for you. That means (I'll be nice here) someone to run the place, someone to help that person run the place (and split responsibilities, so that when one is not there the other can replace them), one photo editor, one person to correct the texts, put them on paper, gather everything etc., and about 6-7 (I'll say) people to be running around the city, doing stories. And one person to be doing all the dirty work, like standard paid-for columns, agendas and stuff.
At our magazine, we have ONE person to run the place, one photo editor, one guy to collect stuff (period) and 3 people to be running around the city doing stories, and one to do the paid-for columns.
Do the math: half of the people needed to write, half of the people needed to run the place. If you add to that math that the person running the place, is, well... constantly running around places, not at work, but, say, lunches, dinners, trips here and there, gone for days etc., this should leave you with a quite accurate image of things at my place of work.

Some time ago things were a little bit different. There were 4 kids, still at school, working at the magazine. They weren't getting paid, but doing a lot of work. It also wasn't work that could just be published, without being worked through by us first. But it was work done and load off our backs.
Those kids were made to stop about a month ago, because the business felt they might sue for working without pay. Now, I'm all against working without pay. I believe that, if you work, you should get paid, no matter what. Sadly, in Greece this happens. They'll take you, say "you'll practice for 2, 3, 6 months without pay, and then we'll see", keep you this way for years and then call you an ingrate and point a finger at you when you ask for your money or take them to court. But, also, you can't have a magazine operating with half the people needed, have high expectations, yell every week saying "how did E have this story and we couldn't?" when E has 25 people working there for the same amount of work.

It just so happened that I'm sick. I've been sick since Friday, I really can't go to work, and, honestly, I won't get up in the condition I'm in and take my butt down there to work, for a business that's treated me like a chair, taking me from where I had been working for 10 years and making me do something completely different for 2 months, only to move me from there again and place me somewhere else, like my work meant absolutely nothing to anyone. I have had no respect, I have had my contract violated multiple times, I was working there for 3 years without pay, I decided not to take them to court for I don't even know what reason any more, but jeopardise my health (and my sanity) for nothing, I will not do.

That said, I got a call this morning. The person who runs the place: "Hi. Still sick?", Me: "Yes", Person: "Well, make sure you're not sick tomorrow, 'cause I'll be gone for two days, going somewhere-i-dont-give-a-shit and I need you to replace me", Me: "You need someone to be replacing you in general, I don't do that (a whole pay thing)", Person: "I need it to be you, so make sure you are here", Me: "I can't control it, if I'm OK I'll be there but if I'm not, sorry, can't help it, I will not die for anyone", Person: "Well, if you die, I'll bring you beautiful flowers at your funeral".

I think being someone who refuses to officially make someone else your replacement, fearing that one day they'll conspire to steal your job (like you've done in the past) is, whatever, you right, your stupidity, your burden to bear. But this behavior is downright unacceptable, completely outside the boundaries of good work fellowship and should be comdemned. At the very least.