Heat

It's no secret that my mind works in such weird ways, that sometimes I scare myself. What follows is an example of that.

Today, at about 2pm, while at work, I decided to go down to the supermarket and get something to eat. By the way, I bought a box of La Vache Qui Rit Light, in case you were wondering. I ate 2, and now I have tied my hands behind my back trying not to eat a third one.

Anyways

I came out of the building after about 4 hours in there and the heat slapped me in the face, like an angry drunk boyfriend who just found out I was, not only cheating on him, but also maxed out his credit card by hiring a call- boy. I struggled for breath and the hot air burnt my nostrils. Tiny beads of sweat jumped out on my nose and forehead and my mouth felt like a fire breathing dragon.

Through teary eyes I looked ahead of me, trying to unblur my vision and thought to myself "now, this is what a cake feels like when we shove it in the oven to bake it".

I took a mental note to stop baking for a couple of weeks, until my mind has erased all memory of the dreadful feeling.

And then, all of a sudden, and with no warning whatsoever (ok, maybe a little warning, in the form of paranoia) witches came flying on brooms into my head.

I thought of all the poor women who burnt to death tied on poles because some men in their town couldn't face the fact that maybe they were smarter, maybe they were more independent, maybe they were free-thinkers, maybe they were ahead of their time, maybe they just couldn't be tied down by sexist rules and rusty brains. I suddenly felt - really, right there, in the middle of a very busy street - the agony of a woman surrounded by flames - ok, I'm very sensitive to heat, that's a well- known fact to all who know me! - and the wrongness of the whole thing.
And why was it only women? Why not men? The patriarchic system of those years - and also of our times - has demonised women to the point that Eve caused our expulsion from Heaven, women were burnt as witches, women were being denied education or the right to vote, women are being paid less than men at jobs, and so many other inequalities I can't think of, because of the burning heat.
And all of the people that died in the name of a God, or of a Church, or some religion... And the people who are being denied fundamental rights, like the right to be happy, the right to share their lives, their pension, their property, to have a family, or to be equal as everyone else, all in the name of a Book, or a Church. What God was it again that made it all right to hate certain groups of people or believe we are better than someone else? I remember a God that said "Love Thy Neighbor" and "Be Humble".

Then I got to thinking of all the true witches out there. Call me a retard, but I believe in magic. Oh, wait. That sounds familiar, have I said it before? Maybe! Anyways... what was I saying? Oh, yes. I believe in magic, I believe that there's powers in the universe that are not wise to f*ck with. There's powers in people that are yet to be discovered. And there's people out there who have discovered them and use them. Some in a good way, some in a bad way. I don't think anyone can fly on brooms (though I won't say they can't, cause what if they can??), but I know that there's people capable of using energies for or against other people. Hence the positive thinking power, or the evil eye, and so many other things.

Then I went back in the building, and my brain froze and I felt like Jell- O. And I took a mental note to stop making Jell- O for a while, because it felt so cruel!

Amnesty seeks 'missing' Tibetans

The Tibet thing goes on, don't you think it's over, it hasn't even started!

This is taken from BBC

More than 1,000 Tibetans detained during protests against the Chinese government in March remain unaccounted for, Amnesty International says.

In a report, the human rights group said there were reports that detainees had been beaten and deprived of food.

Ahead of the Olympic torch relay through Tibet, Amnesty asked China to "shine some light" on the situation.

China says rioters killed at least 19 people. Tibetan exiles say security forces killed dozens of people.

The anti-China protests led by Buddhist monks - the worst in the region in 20 years - began in Lhasa on 10 March.

After the riots, pro-Tibetan protesters threw China's global Olympic torch relay into disarray as it passed through several cities, including London, Paris and San Francisco.

Hundreds of raids

Olympic organisers in Beijing have confirmed that the torch will reach Tibet on Saturday.

A planned three-day stay there has been cut to one day because of schedule adjustments linked to last month's Sichuan earthquake in China, they said.

The relay will run through the main city, Lhasa, the centre of the anti-China protests.

Announcing the update report, Amnesty International's Asia-Pacific Director Sam Zarifi said the information coming out of Tibet painted "a dire picture of arbitrary detentions and abuse of detainees".

Official reports only provide information on a small number of those who have been sentenced after questionable trials, Amnesty said.

It said that , with foreign journalists still not allowed into Tibet, reports coming through friends and family members to the media and Tibetan organisations suggested that police had carried out hundreds of raids on monasteries, nunneries and private homes.

"Those who dare to find ways of sending information to foreign media or human rights organisations regarding protests and arrests, risk arrest and imprisonment," Amnesty said.

"With the torch relay about to enter Tibetan areas, this should be an opportunity to shine some light on the situation there," Amnesty's Sam Zarifi said.

Tibet's spiritual leader, the Dalai Lama, has appealed for Tibetans not to protest during the Olympic Torch visit to the region.

The leader of Tibet's government-in-exile said recently he was fully supportive of the Games beginning in August, and therefore the torch.

Beijing says the Dalai Lama incited the March violence. He denies this and accuses the government of human rights abuses.

The end of an era

I remember Winter of 1995 very vividly. Me and my two best friends in the world, Sophia and Maria, are sitting at the low wall that surrounds the ancient findings at Navarinou Square in Thessaloniki, waiting for our turn to sit for coffee at Froutotypo.

Those were good times. I remember being young and not minding the snow falling on my woolen hat. I remember talking about last night’s guy, or that new band, Oasis, and how good they sounded. I remember singing the lyrics to “Bright Yellow Gun” at the top of our lungs and being joined by the group of girls sitting 5 meters away, also waiting to go in Froutotypo.

I remember dreaming about the “Beauty Cream” Froutotypo served, which was a clever combination of vanilla cream with thinned honey and bananas. It was so tasty I could swear it would be sinful! But it was a sin worth committing, a chance worth taking. For Heaven is on earth, and sometimes it hides in the smallest things.

Like the tables of that place. Round wooden tables, reminiscent of an older time, decades of the past, so small we could never fit our glasses on them! There was always an extra chair on the side, for all the glasses of water and the free- press newspapers we would always take from the counter. Most of the time, during the cold months, the café was packed. The cigarette smoke was thick, there was absolutely no space to walk through, and the conversations were always loud. When you’re young, things are always more important. And Froutotypo was always filled with young people, either age-wise or soul-wise. Students, skaters, writers, actors, everyone made a passing from Thessaloniki’s best-kept cultural secret.

I grew up in there, I learned how to think in those 30 square meters enclosed within two walls – and two large window walls. I learned how to stand up for myself, I learned not to be afraid of my thinking, I learned how to express myself, I found out I have a voice and it may stand out and be different, but it’s as good as everyone else’s. If not better.

I learned all that in a small café, on Navarinou square.

I passed from Froutotypo this morning, and it had closed down. The empty space, the small tables that weren’t there, the sign that was now down, and the “For Rent” label made it very clear to me: a big chapter of who I am has now come to an end.

How it feels to be a Sagittarius

Photo taken from www.allposters.com

Traditional
Sagittarius Traits

Optimistic and freedom-loving
Jovial and good-humored
Honest and straightforward
Intellectual and philosophical

On the dark side....

Blindly optimistic and careless
Irresponsible and superficial
Tactless and restless

I believe in Astrology. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I believe in Nature’s influence in our lives. Maybe, on the other hand, it has something to do with the fact that my boyfriend’s mother is an astrologist, and I wouldn’t like to piss her off. Either way, I read my sign daily in the newspaper, I take it very seriously, and when it says that I should stay at home and not mess with anyone, I call in sick at work, stay in bed and whenever people are around me, I pretend to be asleep.

I am known to have done this on more than one occasions.

Anyway.

What you read above is what the Astrologists all agree that a Sagittarius is like. I will take these characteristics a line at a time.

“Optimistic and freedom loving”

Hmmm… Not badly put. Although, in the past few years my optimism has gotten in his car and left the premises for good. I don’t know what it was that prompted this reaction on his part: was it something I said? Was it something I did? Was it something that happened that I had no control over? Surely, my not being able to pass one lousy class to get that f***ng Master’s degree, for three years couldn’t have had much to do with it! Neither could the fact that I hate my job and they don’t hate me, and they keep me unmoved, clawing and biting. My friend completely turning her back at me, the money that’s gone before I even see what color it was, the Satan-cat that hates me, my iron being on a world record low…Nah, my optimism is a professional, he’d stick around! I blame his being a man!

My love of freedom is put. Well, I have no money to act on it, but what the heck! It’s still here!

“Jovial and good-humored”

Yes, that I am. People not getting that GOOD humor and getting pissed off at me, throwing things in my face and then talking about me behind my back is a totally unrelated fact! Plus, it doesn’t affect my GOOD humor, making sure that I will get fucked all over again, without fail!

“Honest and straightforward”

I will put this up there with the GOOD humor thing! Being honest and straightforward, people, will bite you in the ass! Don’t do it! Be deceitful and devious! That will get you a spot on national TV! Or in the hearts of people. I don’t know which is better

“Intellectual and philosophical”

I can hear the laughter all the way to Greece! Stop it! You are hurting my honest and straightforward feelings!

“Blindly optimistic and careless”

I will agree to all of the above. Blindly optimistic and careless, especially when it comes to people. When I said that “Optimism has left the premises for good” I wasn’t referring to the blind one! That guy can’t drive! No, I was referring to the useful one, the one that motivates you to do stuff! The one that would put me in my chair to study for the freaking course, the one that would tell me “why don’t you start writing something? Who knows?”, the one that sent me to New York once upon a time. That one’s gone. The blind one, the one that tells me “trust everyone, it doesn’t matter what your gut tells you, or what your mom tells you, or what your loved ones tell you, or what the behaviors you see tell you! Trust them like they’re good!”, that one is still here, ruling my life! Someone get the son of a bitch off my face!

“Irresponsible and superficial”

I don’t even need to comment on this one. I am irresponsible and superficial. Period.

“Tactless and restless”

Apparently I am tactless, since I am “Honest and Straightforward”. Though most of the time I am nice –what! You got a problem with that? – sometimes I just out and say stuff and then I regret it. But I’ve already said it. And the rest is history.

Restless… I don’t think that’s bad… but I don’t think I have it anymore. Restlessness takes you places… But I feel so old lately!

So there you have it. That’s what my zodiac sign has been reduced to. Panos’ mom would chase me with a stick! But what can I do?

My advice to you: Stay away from me. You never know how I might hit you in the head!

random writing challenge #17

photo taken from www.valhallaracing.net

He was standind outside the police station, his eyes fixed in the distance, where a weak sun was just beginning to rise. In his hands, he was holding a denim jacket and a black baseball cap. He didn't realize it at the time, but he was squeezing the cap so hard, that its rim had broken. But such detail now seemed to belong to a world he had left behind. 

His truck was right there, the stains on its green color looking strange under the orange light of the dawn. He looked at it, but didn't feel like driving. The truth was, the alcohol still swimming in his blood stream caused enough of a distraction for anyone to steer clear of a car. If only he had felt that way the night before.

His mind drifted back to the night before, while making his way back home. The sun had already crawled higher on the celestial dome, shining a light on him, he wished would never be shone again. The strip- bar, the girls... The sexual promises, the obscene cravings... the threeway promised and almost fulfilled... the bottles of whiskey consumed in order to get that red haired stripper to dance only for him. The buzzing in his ears, the red blanket covering most of his consciousness, most of his rememberance of the night before...

How one moment changes your life for ever. How one decision can turn everything upside down. Why take the car and not a taxi? Why decide to drive when redhead has offered to do it herself? Why go left, when you can always go right? Why not lock yourself up and never see the light of day again?

The sheriff said he was looking to many years in prison. But it will not be the iron bars holding him locked up in a cell that will be keeping him in prison. His prison will be his whole life, until his final breath. Until that final, redemptive moment when his conscience will die and the sight of his son's dead eyes staring at him from his car's front wheels will stop haunting him.